我突然發現。。。命。。。不只這樣。 現在過的人生；即將結束。新的未來，即將抵達。我，現在只在等待。突然覺得說以前，過去的事，一點都不重要。現在的朋友，依然不重要。現在的交情，友情，連愛情，都不重要。最重要的是我有辦法面對未來，勇敢的往前一步。我突然發現，現在的我，並不是在真正的活著，只是在過日子而已。現在這樣的生活，在我心裡的深處還真不對勁。現在已在找幸福，會不會太早了一點？這。。。不知我。這只是個假面，等待着未來。好，繼續過著日子吧。新開始離我不遠了！

I started to write a post in English, but none of the words I was saying made sense to me. They didn’t feel right, and I guess that just goes to show how limited a language can be—some emotions better suit another tongue. 

Second semester of senior year.

I’ve waited for this moment for most of my life. I’ve waited to actually have the feeling of longing, nostalgia, and the disappearance of that desire to leave, to escape from this place. This is that one time in our lives when everyone in our lives are going to go their separate ways, take different paths, different routes, probably to never cross again. 

I’m sure I’ll miss this place, but as the weeks pass, that desire to leave has only grown at an exponential rate. I feel confined here—perhaps as a result of my own thoughts and own over-thinking, but I need a fresh start badly.

I’m going to try my best and translate the above paragraph in Chinese. 

I suddenly realized… life… is not just what we see in front of us now. The life I’m living now is about to end, and a new future is about to begin. And I, I’m just waiting. I suddenly feel like that the past, the things that have happened, are really so unimportant and minuscule. The friends now are unimportant. The connections, relationships, friendships—they’re all unimportant. The most important is for me to be able to face the future, confidently and securely stepping forward into this unknown. I suddenly realized that as the person I am now—I’m not really living, but just pushing forward, day by day. This life now feels so wrong to me in the deep recesses of my heart. And looking for happiness now… is that too early? This… isn’t me. This is just a face, waiting for the future. Alright, time to continue pushing forward. A new start is, hopefully, just around the corner!

And now, it’s just as I said—time to continue pushing forward. 持之以恆.