It seems like the people around me have already jumped into the river of life and are flowing towards change, while I’m still standing here on the riverbanks wondering where they have gone. A part of me doesn’t really want to jump inside—I don’t know what lies downstream. The other part of me feels lost and confused, and I want to catch up to those I’ve lost. But I might just be too late. As time progresses I lose sight of those I care about as they bend away with the river, out of sight, and I’m still here wondering if I jump into the river and move on.

So far I’ve tested the waters. It’s not as cold as I thought it would be. I may still be sitting on the banks but at least a part of me is inside, I just need to let go and jump in. People around me are moving on with their lives. I used to think that I wouldn’t be able to live without my close friends, but as they slowly move farther and farther away from me I’m surprised to see that I have yet to collapse without them. I realize now that I used to let the people around me define who I am, but it’s time for me to define myself.

Stability troubles me the most. Even though I’ve slowly been allowing myself to let things go and I’m slowly remembering who I am, stability is something I’m still constantly in search for. I can let go of many things, but I can’t rest easy until I know for sure that I have something or someone to fall back on—someone to count on, and I can’t say I’ve found that yet. It used to be that I didn’t want any change with the people I counted on, but recently I’ve learn to accept that change and coordinate with it. So I’ve stopped chasing after those friends and stopped interrupting their ride down the river, and begun to look at my own course downstream.

So the days are a bit lonelier, the weekends are less eventful, and my text usage has gone down considerably. I’m still not really used to it, but I’m not really in a hurry to find new friends to take the place of the changed, and I’m no longer in a rush to find stability immediately. Stability is still the most important to me and defines a lot of my actions, but I’ve finally come to an understanding that even though the water in the river continues to flow and won’t stop and wait for me, there is the riverbed beneath the water which is much more resistant to change. And that’s all the stability I need.

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This was a homework assignment for my English class, a look at who we are now compared to the start of the year.