From Thought Catalog
And all of these things, these experiences of grief, they don’t tell you about them. They don’t tell you that, at the end of the day, all you can think is that grief isn’t a wall that comes crashing down on you all at once like you expected. Instead, it’s a wall whose bricks fall (bit by bit, piece by piece) and bruise you and break you and beat you down, slowly.
And it takes a ridiculously long time to heal.
I’ve only met her in person three times in my life, and this was the fourth. I had just arrived home—well, home for the time being—from the airport. As everyone continued to go through their daily routines, I simply sat on the worn and weathered couch I recall looking the exact same ten years ago, trying to fight the desire to sleep and stay awake to avoid jet lag. There she sat, across from me, staring off into space. She was thin, emaciated almost, with the curvatures of each bone visible due to the slow breakdown of her muscle. Her skin was spotty and slightly discolored, and her hair a surprising grey—the elements of old age had failed to completely conquer her. Her teeth were perfect, the product of some unlucky dentist who had to go through the painful procedure to fit a set of fake teeth into the mouth of a ninety-year old woman. Everything about her seemed frail, from her slow yet graceful movements to her impossible attempts to stand up alone.
Her eyes, however, were different. Despite the aged and seemingly weathered skin surrounding her eyes, the eyes themselves seemed to be telling me a story. There was so much thought, innocence, desire, hope, fear, and sentimentality in her eyes. She was very much conscious alright, and although her physical self may be failing her, her eyes told me that she was fine, and still very much alive. The more I gazed into her eyes the more entranced I felt, the feeling that she was trying to tell me everything that the words she failed to produce couldn’t. It’s odd, this feeling is. I felt pain, I felt hurt, I felt sadness and I felt despair. I looked deeper trying to find some shed of happiness remaining, but it was nowhere to be found. She was strong, she is strong, and she will be strong. She doesn’t need anyone to help her, mentally that is.
She sits there, mumbling something I can’t understand, as it is not within my knowledge of Taiwanese or any other possible dialect. Someone translates; she’s talking about the similarities that I share with my dad and about what I was like as a kid. I’m absolutely amazed that she can remember all of this. How could she possibly remember I had an aunt on my father’s side when she could barely remember details of her own grandchildren, my mom, aunt, and uncles? Needless to say, I’m pretty baffled, and pleasantly surprised that she still recognizes who I am after an entire day. I feel like she understands someone by just looking at them, as if she can read me like a book by simply looking at my face.
I never want to be like this, yet I hope one day I will.
I found this in one of my folders on my computer, it’s something I wrote last summer when I was in Taiwan. The person in question is my great-grandmother, who is probably suffering from Alzheimer’s. I found that moment with her just so peaceful and complex, I decided to write about it. I wish I found out what her story was and is.
English / Little Lies - Dave Barnes / Don’t Stop the Music - Jamie Cullum / Intoxicated - The Cab / Here’s to Us - Halestorm / Bad - The Cab / Safe & Sound - Taylor Swift / Keep Your Head Up - Andy Grammer / Nothing - The Script / Terrified - Katherine McPhee & Zachary Levi / Don’t Want an Ending - Sam Tsui / Heartbreaker - Matt Wertz / After Tonight - Justin Nozuka / Mine to Love - Dave Barnes / Pretty Girl - Ernie Halter / On a Night Like This - Dave Barnes / Hear My Call - Jill Scott / I’m Still Here - John Rzeznik / Who You Are - Jessie J / Glad You Came - The Wanted / Cry - Kelly Clarkson / Loaded Gun - Tyler Hilton / Flying Machine - Everly / You Can Run - Bryan Greenberg ft. Kid Cudi / Summer Dress - Xenia / The Harold Song - Ke$ha /
Chinese / 愛情掉在哪裡 - 井柏然 /懂我再愛我 - Ella ft. Tank / 不具名的悲傷 - 羅志祥 / 一個人不可能 - 丁噹 / 十年 - 陳奕迅 / 我不會喜歡你 - 陳柏霖 / 還是會 - 韋禮安 / 愛你 - Kimberley陳芳語 / 假裝我們沒愛過 － 汪東城 / 倉頡 － Mayday五月天 / 我愛上的 - 丁噹 / 我不是你想像那麼勇敢 - 梁文音 / 倔強 - 五月天 / 我喜歡 (不，我愛) - 嚴爵 / 有我在 - 羅志祥 /
Spanish & Korean / Creo en Ti - Reik / Te Dejo en Libertad - Ha-Ash / Sherlock - SHINee / When I Can’t Sing - Se7en / Blue - Big Bang / Time Machine - SNSD / Aquí Estoy Yo - Luis Fonsi, Aleks Syntek, Noel Schajris & David Bisbal / Más de 1000 Años - Aleks Syntek /
OH CRAP ITS YEARBOOK!
Senior Panoramic tomorrow! :D
And no, it’s not going into the yearbook for all y’all askin’.
(Source: mikaamanoo)
Why are those pictures so disturbing… looks like its a jumbled nightmare stored in a GIF. Also the first time it kept telling me I wasn’t following instructions. Then I picked A everytime and it shut up…
Uhm… the accuracy to this really scares me.
You feel misunderstood and this sense is causing anxiety and frustration, leading to a conflict with your sense of self-worth. Other people’s judgement is brought into question, because you feel that no one in your immediate sphere is completely reliable or completely understands you. Such feelings can lead to a pronounced egotism or temper.
An unsatisfying relationship is troubling you, due in all likelihood to a perceived lack of appreciation, or acknowledgement from superiors or loved ones. Questioning this judgement has lead to a modicum of introversion. You feel that you need assistance from others to repair the situation but are afraid that too much compromise will be seen as weakness. If this situation continues, you may feel the need to break away and redefine your own individuality.
(Source: aportraitoftheartist-asayoungfan)
